Jane’s Diary

Session #5

Dear Diary,

I woke up naked

I found myself laying down next to Tiffany

She was warm, soft and she just felt right

It is difficult to explain what was going through my head, I was split in two. My body and my mind were not on the same page. The things she did to my body were things I had never felt before with a man. She touched me in all the right ways and kissed me in places I cannot mention.

I could not keep my hands off her body. My head rested on her, while I twirled my finger on her stomach. I never thought I would ever be with another women, the tendencies were there but never did I think I would go and actually do it. It all happened so fast; I had only known Tiffany for a couple of weeks. But those couple of weeks seemed like years. We had a connection that I could never explain to anyone, but it seemed right to me.

It felt as if we slept the whole night, but it was only 8pm

Tiffany: Hey!!!

She said with a sleepy smile

Me: hey back!!

We both just laughed at the absurd situation we found ourselves in, laying naked next to each other after what we did that evening.

Tiffany: how do you feel?

Me: like I’ve never felt before

Tiffany: is that good or bad?

Me: I’m still here

She chuckled as she placed both arms around me and kissed me on my head.

Tiffany: I have to go, it’s late

Me: where are you going?

Tiffany: to my family

Me: I thought you would stay with me for the night?

Tiffany: I’m sorry but I can’t

I went silent. I did not go silent because of her; I went silent because of myself. I was all caught up in the euphoria of us, that I forgot that there is no us. I could never have Tiffany, for she was already spoken for.

Tiffany: I know it’s difficult now, but you will come to understand

I watched her as she moved from the bed, to placing both feet on the ground as she gathered her clothing. I could not keep my eyes away from her perfectly shaped body, she faced me as she put her clothes on knowing I was mesmerized by her. She gave me wink while standing at my bedroom door.

Tiffany: Tomorrow is your first day, get some rest.

She said this before walking out of my room, I wanted to badly yell “DON’T LEAVE ME” or “TAKE ME WITH YOU”. But that would scream desperation, and I was desperate. Desperate to be loved by someone, but like everyone else she left me ALONE.

The next day I started the new job at the office, this was in mid-July. It was a different dynamic working in a professional setting. I had to comport myself in a completely different manner. Everyone kept asking me about my accent which I tried so hard to hide, but to no avail.  It was also the first-time seeing Tiffany since I last saw her naked and leaving my room. She was my boss now so she could not talk to me how she normally would, I had hopes that we would work close together but that did not happen. I could not stop looking at her every chance I got, even though she kept giving me a look that told me to stop.

By the next month I would learn to get acclimated to my new job, and I loved it. I loved the people I worked with and how gracious they were to me. They wondered how I received the position I was in since I was so new to the school and did not start classes yet. I refrained from telling people that Tiffany gave me the job, I just said it came with my scholarship and kept it at that.

what also happened during that month was me seeing Tiffany daily

No not at work

But in my bedroom

Every day after work Tiffany would be in my bed

I would get off work before her and she would arrive later on in the evening. I always felt sad when she would leave me to go to her family. I wanted her all to myself, but I knew that was not possible. Sometimes I would pretend to be in heavy sleep while laying on her, but she would still manage to snuggle out. Other times I would just keep coming up with new conversations to stop her from leaving, but she would always tell me time is up.

A piece of me always wanted to be with her.

It was mid-august when changes started occurring. I should mention TWO major changes presented themselves. Their names were Erica and Valerie my roommates.

I came home happy at the thought of seeing Tiffany in a couple of hours, so I rushed to get myself ready. I opened the door and saw two girls standing in the middle of the dorm.

Erica: Who the fuck are you?

Me: excuse me?

Valerie: Who the hell are you? And why do you have a key card to our dorm?

Me: My name is Jane, I live here

Erica: no, you do not live here and what is that weird accent of yours?

Valerie: what do you mean you live here? This is a dorm for three and you are not supposed to be the third?

Erica: Kate is supposed to be the third person living here

Me: I do not know who Kate is, but I’ve been living here for about a month now

Erica: is that why this place looks so shitty?

Me: excuse me?

Valerie’s phone rang and she picked it up. She was on it for a couple of minutes visibly annoyed at something she was hearing.

Valerie: Kate said they told her she was bumped to another dorm and they won’t give her a reason why.

Erica: What do you mean they won’t give her a reason why?

They both turned to me with burning rage

Erica: I don’t know how the hell you got in here, but you need to leave.

Valerie: We are not living with some weirdo

I felt attacked and petrified at the angry faces I was looking at. But something in me had changed, I felt strong and resilient. What I was doing with Tiffany gave me this new sense of strength I never had before.

Me: Just so you know I’m going nowhere. Get use to fucking seeing me around

They both had shocking looks on their faces, it is almost as if they had never been said “no” to or been defied.

All this commotion almost made me forget that Tiffany was supposed to be there soon. I hurried to my room to text her that my roommates had just arrived. As the text was being sent, I heard a knock on the door and my heart sank.

I rushed to open my door; I knew who that knock was from.

Valerie: yes, can I help you?

I ran out of my room and immediately made eye contact with Tiffany

Tiffany: oh, um I think I am in the wrong place I apologize

Tiffany quickly put her head down and left as quickly as she could

Erica: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON TODAY?

Erica and Valerie started yelling as loudly as they possibly could, this might have been the biggest obstacle of their life. I watched for a couple minutes out of sheer amusement before I heard my phone ringing.

Me: Hello

Tiffany: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO THAT TO ME?

Me: wait no what did I do? I sent a text; I swear I tried to warn

Tiffany: Tried? You tried? How you could you allow me to come there like that? What if they recognize me? What if they tell everyone I was there?

Me: no, I swear I didn’t know they would be here, please believe me, I swear

Tiffany: how fucking stupid can you be? How could you fucking allow that?

Me: Tiffany I swear I wanted to stop you, I swear

Tiffany: Don’t you ever do that to me again, DON’T YOU EVER

She hung up the phone as the tears rolled down my eyes. I could not believe Tiffany would talk to me that way, this was not the person I knew

 I quickly went from sad to enraged at Valerie and Erica for making Tiffany talk to me that way. My blood was boiling, and I just wanted to yell off the top of my lungs, but I just went to bed.

I texted Tiffany “I’m so sorry, it will never happen again I promise”

She never responded

I cried myself to sleep

                                                                                                                                         Jane

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