So, is this how I die now?
Lying alone in this bed that we use to share?
Feels like the sun burned my wings and I have fallen into the abys.
It is funny how quickly things can change, went from dinners for two to take outs for one. Nights that we use to talk endlessly until we fell asleep, to sleeping facing away from each other. Talking to each other after long hard days about how we would one day run away from it all, without a care in the world of who we left behind. To not speaking in the presence of the other, tension in the air as we both grew uncomfortable in the same space, we use to waltz in. candle lights dinners are a distant memory as the light in our love flamed out.
Laying hopelessly, trying to grasp where it could have all went wrong. It seemed so perfect just a second ago, but when you are happy there never seems to be enough hours in the day. You lose grasp of time and what is time when you are with the one you have always dreamed of? the beauty about life is that, we all have different dreams. The one you dreamed of, may not see you the same way. That is how life works it is fair to everyone because it is unfair to everyone. Loving someone who may never love you the same, it is almost as if you are stuck in a bad religion. Where you give it your all, to only receive hopes and dreams as a reward.
You left me empty as can be, like the river that use to be my soul has run dry. I want to tell you that I do not hate you, I do not despise you and I will not forget you. But if I could ask one thing, I would ask “how come you could not love me the same?” I know that seems like a pathetic question. But I must ask anyway, with all the restraints I have I still must ask. It seemed pretty simple to love me, but as people we always think we are easy to love. I know I made numerous mistakes, but my love could never be doubted.
Walking into the apartment that we use to share…..with all your things gone has been one the saddest things I have ever had to witness. I guess I should have seen it coming, the signs were there, but I chose to ignore all of them. In the hopes that I could make you love me, my grandmother always told me “if you have to make someone love you, they will never be yours”. Those words ring true now as much as ever. I spent all this time trying to make you love me, that I lost myself. You were never truly mine, then or now. I do not know where you ran to, but I….do not even know what to say.
I feel like Icarus
When I flew too high you never told me to come down. Now that my wings are clipped, I came crashing down. Landing on this bed that we use to share, laying down alone thinking how it all went wrong.
I guess this is where my spirit dies now?