Jane’s Diary

Session #9

Dear diary,

I had another late session at the library again.

Since the day I saw Kate with those two men, I became paranoid about going back to the dorm. Two weeks had passed by since the encounter. I still could not shake off Valery and Erica running to their rooms with those bags. I was curious and had an itch to see what was in them. I never knew their schedules, so I could never time when they left or came back. Most of the time the dorm would be so quiet I thought I was the only one in it. paranoia hit every time the elevator doors would open.

I did the same routine every time I left the library late. Trevor would walk me back to my building. Most of the walking was done in silence as we enjoyed the beautiful sounds of nothing. It was great, we felt each other’s spirits in those moments. I felt the less we talked the closer we got. He would walk behind me and I would lead. As weird as it sounds, it was perfect for us.

we were getting close to my building, when I saw Kate walking out with the two men. I froze and gasped so loud that I startled Trevor.

Trevor: are you okay?

I did not answer him, I was still frozen. Me eyes were fixated on Kate, who with her shoulders slumped looked like she did two weeks prior. The two men walked behind her like they did the first time and led her to an all-black car.

Trevor: hey, are you okay? What’s going on?

Me: yeah, yeah, yeah, I am. Just thought about something. Or saw something. Or something

I was shacking, stuttering, sweating and looking anxious. It was obvious something was bothering me. he did not see what I saw, he had his eyes only on me.

Trevor: it’s like you’ve seen a ghost or something

That “or something” was right, what I saw was just the beginning. I tried to get my feet moving, then I froze again. I saw Valerie run out of the building and head to the car. she was not trying to stop the car, she jumped in it with Kate and the two men. then the car drove off. My heart was racing again, and I felt as if I was having a panic attack.

Trevor got in front of me, but I did not even notice him until he spoke.

Trevor: are you going to be okay? Because you look like you are about to faint

I did not respond to him; I could not put words together. He grabbed my face and turned me to his direction.

Trevor: what is up with you? You were fine just minutes ago

I felt like I was losing my mind. How could he not notice everything I was seeing? It happened right in front of us, surely, I was not going insane.

Me: I have to go

This was all I could say, right before I brushed past him and ran towards the building. I did not look back to see if he was following me, I just had eyes for the door. I ran in and quickly push the elevator button. In my mind since Valerie left this was my chance to maybe get in their room. This was the only opportunity I could think off where I had time for this. I got in the elevator and pressed the button like a hundred times. I was on the verge of a panic attack. My chest felt heavy, I felt so dizzy and I was in the mist of vomiting. I had to hold on to the wall to stay upright.

The elevator doors opened, and I quickly ran out. I ran down the hall just trying to remember to breathe. When I got in front of the dorm, I immediately fell to the ground. I was so weak; the panic had taken me down and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I tried to get myself up while breathing in and out, but my chest felt so heavy. I found the strength to stand up using the door as support. I reached for my key card, but my hands were shaking so much, it took a few attempts to open the door. When the door finally opened, I almost stumbled in. I could not control myself, I never felt like that before. The unknown was physically killing me at that moment. I feared the worse.

When I took a few steps inside the dorm, I saw little drops of blood on the carpet. They were little spots, but they still look wet. I put my hands on my mouth to try to stop from vomiting. At this point I felt like my heart would jump out of my chest. I fell to the floor again, but this time I rose up quickly. I saw that the blood had a trail. I tried to get my feet together so that I could follow the trail. I thought to myself that it would be only a matter of time before Valerie would come back. But wait, the only person I did not see was Erica. Could this be her blood? My brain was playing me all sorts of scenarios. None of them good.

I followed the trail and it led to their room. I stopped, I never even step close to their room before, let alone try to go in. I should just go to my room or run out, I told myself before I started walking closer to their door. The blood was still fresh on the carpet as I was getting closer to the door. I felt as if I was going to drop again but I held myself up. I was sweating so much that it started dropping to the floor next to the blood. I had no time to think, faint or do anything else. Valerie would be back soon; I just knew it. it was time to act fast, but what to do? I gently knocked on the door to see if any sound would be made. I heard nothing, I knocked again. Silence again, so I tried to gently turn the knob. My hand slipped from being so sweaty. I wiped my hands off my sweater and tried again.

The knob moved and I gently tried to open the door. I opened it a crack to see if I would hear anything, but no sound was made. I opened the door a little more, still I heard no sound. Once again, I opened the door a little more. This time the door made a creaking sound, I immediately stopped. I waited for sound, again no sound made except my heartbeat and my heavy breathing. I put my head closer to peek inside the corner of the room, I saw nothing. I shuffled to get closer to the edge of the door, I peeked again. I saw clothes all over the floor, loose papers all over the place and a couple of opened backpacks. I turned all the way around to put my face against the door instead of my back. I nudged the door slightly more open to get a clearer view. I peeked my head slightly and saw the trail of blood I was looking for. The trail was still going but then other things caught my attention. I saw more clothes on the ground, a couple of duffle bags and cash. I saw a couple of money stacks next to the duffle bags just on the ground and I immediately pulled my head back. I started breathing heavier, why is there stacks of money laying on the floor? Why did they have all those bags?

I started sliding down against the door, I physically could not take it any longer. This had gone on long enough, if I waited any longer, I would not make it to my room. So, I opened the door completely to get a whole view.

First thing I saw, Erica laying on the bed. I jolted back and tried to hide against the wall. Still no sound made, I tried to get my heart rate to slow down. I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to peek again. Erica did not move a bit, but I could see the trail of blood led to her. it was clear she did not put herself in that bed, her positioning was so odd. She was sideways on the bed, her legs were hanging a bit on the edge, her clothes were still on, her arms looked lifeless and then I saw her face. She was all bruised up, her mouth was bloody specially her bottom lip, her cheeks had cuts on them, and her right eye was swollen. Only way I could tell she was still alive was that her chest was still rising from breathing. someone definitely was angry at her and almost killed her from the looks of it. The room was a disaster, everything was out of order and all over the place. But the money and Erica were still the subject of my inquiry.

I gently took a couple of steps in the room to see if I could get a better look. I saw more stacks of money on the side of the room, it was about three of them. Why would they have so much money around, just sitting like that? I saw a backpack next to the bed that was closed. I crouched down to try to sneak next to it. I took some steps and got close to it. it was heavy when I tried to pull it closer, it also had a strange smell coming from it. I peeked up at the bed to see if Erica was moving at all, she was still in the same position. I gently opened the bag.

 -it was cocaine in the bag-

Not one bag, but bags of cocaine that filled the backpack. When your parents are drug addicts, you identify drugs easily. I immediately closed the bag. I started trembling again, it was too much to take in at once. The panic was creeping in again, then I uncontrollably started vomiting. it just all spilled out of me and on to the carpet. I was seeing double; my vision was blurring up by the seconds. I needed to get out of that room.

I started crawling towards the door, I needed to get out. I knew I would faint any minute, so I tried to crawl faster. I made it to the door when I started using it for support. I got up, closed the door and tried to walk against the wall. I gingerly took one step after the other, I could not see straight. I used the wall to guide me to my room, I was on the verge of vomiting again.

I reached my door when I tried feeling for the knob, my hands kept slipping off it and I fell to my knees. I tried to reach for the knob again, this time I was able firmly grasp it. It finally opened and, on my knees, I crawled in. I closed the door behind me and tried to lock it. When I locked it, my hands slipped, and I fell to the ground.

I gingerly started opening my eyes. They felt so heavy that I could barely see.

 I tried to pick myself up from the floor. My body felt as if a thousand bricks were dropped on it. I got myself up from the floor, not even remotely thinking about what happened. My vision was still blurry, I was seeing double of everything. I took all my clothes off and dropped them in the hamper. I went in the bathroom and washed my face; I did not even bother looking in the mirror. I turned back and headed straight to my bed. I forgot all about school, work, Trevor and last night. I got in my bed and passed out.

I jolted up from my sleep. I was so confused about everything that happened. I could not figure out if it was all just a bad dream. I was confused as to why I was naked in bed, having completely forgotten that I took them off. I could not remember what day it was or what time it was. I tried to reach for my phone, but it was not in my bed. I tried to remember everything that happened, but my brain was too scattered. I got up and tried to find clothes to put on. My phone started ringing; it was coming from my closet.

The closer I got to my closet, the louder the sound. The hamper, the ringing was coming from the hamper. I quickly remembered my vomit stained clothes that I took off.

It was not a bad dream after all

I took my phone off the hamper; it was Trevor calling. The phone stopped ringing as I was about to respond. I had to do a double take to make sure I was seeing things right, 15 missed calls. They were all from Trevor, how long was I out for? The clock said it was five in the afternoon, I left Trevor around midnight. While I was trying to calculate, there was a knock on my door.

I was so frightened that I dropped my phone.

Another knock on the door

Here came the heavy breathing and racing heartbeat. I started walking towards the door.

Another knock

I reached for the doorknob, closing my eyes hoping if I opened them…

Another knock

I twisted the knob and opened the door

Valerie was standing there

With a knife in her hand

Valerie: What did you see?

                                                                                                                                                                    Jane